There are many mysteries in this country of ours, why does no one own a washing machine in Eastenders?, why does Emile Heskey continue to be picked for England? and why does that waste of Oxygen Katie Price continue to be given Tv time? The biggest mystery of all though is who would win in an arm wrestle Sylvester Stallone or Arnold Swartzenegger, post govenor of California of course, I mean I dont think he gets much training in these days dealing with all that political stuff and all. When they were both in their prime thats what I mean. Its just something that popped into my head whilst I was trraining my shapely guns in the gym today, I know what your thinking he calls them guns, oh yes, oh yes I do.
Dont worry I dont always think about random things like that all the time, just some of the time, beats watching Jeremy Kyle, bloody bunch of scummers. Im not mental either I dont have the voices talking to me, although I think that is quite common in Norfolk.
I myself think Sly could take Arnie, in a ruck aswell as an Arm wrestle, then again if Arnie did lose seeing he is the governor of the great state of California he could always make Sly do litter picks on the beaches of Malibu. I'll let you lot decide on the days big debate and you could stretch it further, could Bruce Lee take them both, Segal, Van Damme, or could Dot Cotton from Eastenders take them all, obviously when she aint doing everyone's bloody washing.
That should be the next big storyline on Enders, a van pulls up and taken out of the van is a new Hotpoint washing machine, da da da dadadadada.
Not a very eventful day today, my little boy had a day at Nursery today, he obviously already runs the place and he is only 5 months, day off tomorrow so some quality man time with my boy, maybe watch an Arsenal dvd or watch Anchorman or Dodgeball.
I think thats all for tonight so as Nick Ross always use to say on Crimewatch, take care dont have Nightmares
Later Matthias.
Thursday, 25 March 2010
Wednesday, 24 March 2010
Mums who like a rant
Hello all,
Just got off the phone to mama casson, and god why did I phone. We have all been there, we are sitting there in front of the Tv on a crap Wednesday night, not that I have personally anything against Wednesdays, but god there is some shite on the box on a Wednesday, then you think Im going to get one over on my siblings and become number one child, although I already am I feel and phone Mum and Dad and say hi how are you?, what you been up to? Then you wish you hadn't. You see my Mum is lovely, I love her to bits let me make that clear but my god, when she gets a bee in her bonnet she releases the whole hive.
My brother has recently set her up on the internet and everything he showed her has been remembered, stored, used regularly.....Has it hell, mum type in this address, whos address, no type in this address mum, now enter, what type enter,no mum, god let me do for fuck sake what is it with old people and technology. Oh and by the way she calls it googaly and yahoooy.
When i phoned her today and dared to ask if she had been on the net, the what, the internet mum, she hadn't been on it since I saw her 2 weeks ago, she had forgotten it all, how convenient, it call it laziness, I dont know the old generation today, they dont know how good they have it.
She told me how she dosn't get free classes, only all the dossers who havn't worked a day in their life get it for free, my god never release her down the dole office, I dont think she would make many friends.
Thats my rant over, a big day for the nation today , yes thats right it was national penis day, well there were a load of dicks gathered in the house of commons for the budget or more commonly know as 'what the hell am I getting out of this you robbing gits day'. Then again if i was a MP I could maybe claim this blog as an expence.
Well not sure what was in the budget today totally, more help for first time buyers, helping the elderly, but what about cheaper Ready Brek and Cadburys cream eggs, I never get anything out the budget. I do hope though that they put up ciggies by £25 per pack, yeah that will teach the lot of ya. I have to say though although Alistar Darling looks like some lab experiment got very very wrong with a mono brow that looks, well just wrong and his boss has about as much charisma as a very badly constructed scarcrow, give me labour over the tories, or should I say the empire, or dark side anyday.
Every time you see a tory speak you just think you.....dick, as for their leader, ive seen less cheese in a edam factory," Mr Cameron can you watch my Gran for me while I pop to the shops". "Yes of course I can my boy"........ Boy comes back after 10 minutes, gran has been put in a home, her house up for sale, all im saying is I dont trust the tories and I want ever vote for the smarmy posh toff gitfaces.
I shall know step off my soap box, apologies if this blog wasnt very funny today or less interesting but I speak for the people and by people I mean me. I have been told by a person that I write drivvle, although they read it and cant wait to read it and technically drivvle is not a word, anyway, until tomorrow
peace out my little amigo's.
Just got off the phone to mama casson, and god why did I phone. We have all been there, we are sitting there in front of the Tv on a crap Wednesday night, not that I have personally anything against Wednesdays, but god there is some shite on the box on a Wednesday, then you think Im going to get one over on my siblings and become number one child, although I already am I feel and phone Mum and Dad and say hi how are you?, what you been up to? Then you wish you hadn't. You see my Mum is lovely, I love her to bits let me make that clear but my god, when she gets a bee in her bonnet she releases the whole hive.
My brother has recently set her up on the internet and everything he showed her has been remembered, stored, used regularly.....Has it hell, mum type in this address, whos address, no type in this address mum, now enter, what type enter,no mum, god let me do for fuck sake what is it with old people and technology. Oh and by the way she calls it googaly and yahoooy.
When i phoned her today and dared to ask if she had been on the net, the what, the internet mum, she hadn't been on it since I saw her 2 weeks ago, she had forgotten it all, how convenient, it call it laziness, I dont know the old generation today, they dont know how good they have it.
She told me how she dosn't get free classes, only all the dossers who havn't worked a day in their life get it for free, my god never release her down the dole office, I dont think she would make many friends.
Thats my rant over, a big day for the nation today , yes thats right it was national penis day, well there were a load of dicks gathered in the house of commons for the budget or more commonly know as 'what the hell am I getting out of this you robbing gits day'. Then again if i was a MP I could maybe claim this blog as an expence.
Well not sure what was in the budget today totally, more help for first time buyers, helping the elderly, but what about cheaper Ready Brek and Cadburys cream eggs, I never get anything out the budget. I do hope though that they put up ciggies by £25 per pack, yeah that will teach the lot of ya. I have to say though although Alistar Darling looks like some lab experiment got very very wrong with a mono brow that looks, well just wrong and his boss has about as much charisma as a very badly constructed scarcrow, give me labour over the tories, or should I say the empire, or dark side anyday.
Every time you see a tory speak you just think you.....dick, as for their leader, ive seen less cheese in a edam factory," Mr Cameron can you watch my Gran for me while I pop to the shops". "Yes of course I can my boy"........ Boy comes back after 10 minutes, gran has been put in a home, her house up for sale, all im saying is I dont trust the tories and I want ever vote for the smarmy posh toff gitfaces.
I shall know step off my soap box, apologies if this blog wasnt very funny today or less interesting but I speak for the people and by people I mean me. I have been told by a person that I write drivvle, although they read it and cant wait to read it and technically drivvle is not a word, anyway, until tomorrow
peace out my little amigo's.
Tuesday, 23 March 2010
When Eric eats a Banana
Evening all, if your reading this in the gym then morning, now stop fucking reading this and do some training you lazy muppet, but I know you cant tear yourself away.
Anyhow bananaman (yes all one word) visited the gym today, well no not really bananaman just someone with a bananaman t-shirt. I would have known if the real bananaman visited the gym, but I know for a fact that he has not had an induction unlike Batfink and Superted, Superteds friend spotty was refused as he is a dick. Anyway getting away from the point a tad me thinks.
Seeing a t-shirt of the banana eared adonis brought back many childhood memories for me as it was something I watched when I was a kid when it was first on Tv, yes thats right im old school mo foe's, I dont deal with this repeat crap, the younger generation dont know how good tv was, yeah thats right you dont.
I'll pip my rent-a-ghost against your Sarah Jane Adventures, your Ben10 dont match my He-man and the masters of the universe, I myself have often been likened to He-Man, although my pussy is smaller, yes I mean cat you dirty minded gits. You may notice Im being all care free with my language, but when Mrs C reads this (not my mum, she aint very good doing the internet) the wife that is she will maybe tell me off a little for the swearing, but im a rebel, ooooh yeah. Back to what we were talking about, bananaman or Stevie P or Maverick or Northern secret Newcastle fan reminded me of the best shows I used to watch as a kid, see if you compare? In no particular order.
1. Of course the yellow dildo eared muscle man- Bananaman
2. This is what really made you David Jason - Trap Door
3. Is shirley of Eastenders really Zelda - Terrorhawks
4. Yes it's me- He-man and the master of the universe
5. 5 gits get lost on a rollercoaster - Dungeons and Dragons
6. Freaky looking things - Fraggle rock
7. Not so much a kids show but a freak show - Beauty and the beast
8. Who can forget those AWOL MANIACS - The A Team
9. A kiddies favourite, but the crapest special effects ever - Button Moon
10. Everyone wanted this car -Knightrider, Airwolf was also a favourite
11. Thundercats
I could go on and on and on and on, you get it, it has just made me feel really old, but also appreciate that Tv that was made in the 1980's, oooooh dont forget Chips, with the two overweight bike cops, how did they ever catch a cold let alone criminals, TJ Hooker was the real elite cop, the you had magnum no not the ice cream you greedy git, anyway 80's tv was much better back when I was growing upi, bring back the 80's.
Anywazy peace out my fun loving criminals
Matt
Anyhow bananaman (yes all one word) visited the gym today, well no not really bananaman just someone with a bananaman t-shirt. I would have known if the real bananaman visited the gym, but I know for a fact that he has not had an induction unlike Batfink and Superted, Superteds friend spotty was refused as he is a dick. Anyway getting away from the point a tad me thinks.
Seeing a t-shirt of the banana eared adonis brought back many childhood memories for me as it was something I watched when I was a kid when it was first on Tv, yes thats right im old school mo foe's, I dont deal with this repeat crap, the younger generation dont know how good tv was, yeah thats right you dont.
I'll pip my rent-a-ghost against your Sarah Jane Adventures, your Ben10 dont match my He-man and the masters of the universe, I myself have often been likened to He-Man, although my pussy is smaller, yes I mean cat you dirty minded gits. You may notice Im being all care free with my language, but when Mrs C reads this (not my mum, she aint very good doing the internet) the wife that is she will maybe tell me off a little for the swearing, but im a rebel, ooooh yeah. Back to what we were talking about, bananaman or Stevie P or Maverick or Northern secret Newcastle fan reminded me of the best shows I used to watch as a kid, see if you compare? In no particular order.
1. Of course the yellow dildo eared muscle man- Bananaman
2. This is what really made you David Jason - Trap Door
3. Is shirley of Eastenders really Zelda - Terrorhawks
4. Yes it's me- He-man and the master of the universe
5. 5 gits get lost on a rollercoaster - Dungeons and Dragons
6. Freaky looking things - Fraggle rock
7. Not so much a kids show but a freak show - Beauty and the beast
8. Who can forget those AWOL MANIACS - The A Team
9. A kiddies favourite, but the crapest special effects ever - Button Moon
10. Everyone wanted this car -Knightrider, Airwolf was also a favourite
11. Thundercats
I could go on and on and on and on, you get it, it has just made me feel really old, but also appreciate that Tv that was made in the 1980's, oooooh dont forget Chips, with the two overweight bike cops, how did they ever catch a cold let alone criminals, TJ Hooker was the real elite cop, the you had magnum no not the ice cream you greedy git, anyway 80's tv was much better back when I was growing upi, bring back the 80's.
Anywazy peace out my fun loving criminals
Matt
Thursday, 18 March 2010
written from a bloody phoneAny
HELLO ALL, TODAYS BLOG OR SHOULD I SAY TONIGHTS BLOG IS COMING TO YOU FROM AN EXTREMLY SMALL KEYBOARD, SO EXCUSE ANY MISTAKES AND THE PHONE WONT LET ME TAKE OF THE CAPITALS SO FOR TONIGHT IM WRITING IN ANGRY MODE, IM SURE THE BARD HIMSELF HAD ANGRY MOMENTS. NOT COMPARING MYSELF TO SHAKESPEARE AS THAT WOULD NOT BE FAIR AS I HAVE THE POWER OF THE BLOG TO REACH THE PEASANTS. ANYWAY HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH YOU ALL I MYSELF AM SUFFERING FROM A CASE OF THE ONLY DISEASE KNOWN TO MAN THAT ONLY A MAN CAN TAKE, NOT MALARIA, NOT MIGRANES THATS RIGHT MAN FLU. A CONDITION THAT WOULD KEEP A LADY OFF WORK AND EVEN OUT OF THE SHOPS FOR WEEKS, BUT FOR A MAN IT'S PART OF THE COURSE, EARLIER I SNEEZED AND THOUGHT MY HEAD WOULD FALL OFF,FALL RIGHT OF MY FLU RAVAGED BUT FINELY TUNED ATHLETIC BODY. I FEEL THOUGH MY WIFE WOULD SAY I HAVE WHAT I BELIEVE LADIES CALL A COLD,I LAUGH AT THIS COLD. LETTERS OF COMFORT AND SUPPORT MAY BE SENT TO THE GYM TO HELP ME THROUGH THIS. TOOK A TR IP DOWN MEMORY LANE,NOT LITERALLY SOMEONES STREET BUT MEMORIES FROM YESTER-YEAR,FOR YOU LOT HAVING TROUBLE WHEN I WAS A KID. MR KARL IRELAND AKA THE SILVER FOX HAD BOUGHT SOME DVDS FROM A CERTAIN SUPERMARKET, SUPERMARCHE IF YOU WANT TO FRENCH IT UP,ANYWAY THESE DVDS WERE THINGS THAT I WATCHED WHEN I WAS A KID. SO I DECIDED TO BUY TWO SOOTY, TWO BUTTON MOON DVDS, A BUGS BUNNY ONE AND WAIT FOR IT JAMIE AND HIS MAGIC TORCH,YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO SING IT. THE IDEA IS THAT MY 4 MONTH OLD WILL ENJOY THEM,I OF COURSE WILL SUPERVISE. TAKE CARE ALL AND FELLOW MAN STAY SAFE AND CONTINUE TO FIND A CURE FOR MAN FLU....PEACE OUT
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
Ever steady ready brek
Had a cadburys cream egg this evening, how do you eat your's, I myself prefer the erotic action of using a combo of finger,tongue and good old sucking action, just thought id put that out there.
Big debate at work today, and when I say big I mean small.
Had some brekkie this morning at work, and I dared to have ready brek, you would have thought id murdered a small lamb, ready brek thats for kids was the cry.
Obviously for legal reasons (Ed Daines) I can not say who this debate was with (Ed Daines), but it was hotter than a really hot bowl of this lucious breakfast cereal. Then two other people told me that ready brek was for kids, so can you tell me all, is it wrong for a 32 yr old man to have such things for breakfast? Thats right who needs a Labour /Conservative debate when you have the Ready Brek debate, please share......
Fairly productive day at work today, mixed with conversations completley away from the fitness arena. One conversation was with Stevie P, a young lad from what I like to call 'up north', we got talking about what every bloke talks about at some point and that is of course the iconic film that is watership down, no not really Top gun.
You see Stevie P has top gun glasses, which I want, and since I fly fighter jets in my spare time I feel he should give them to me.
So what would be your Top gun name, Stevie P has taken Maverick, he should legally change to this, please give suggestions as to mine, I will put some out there.....
Lion-o, He-man,Papa Smurf and my favourite Thunderpants
Take care all and try some ready brek, Mr daines (legal disclaimer needed) you dont know what your missing.
tata
Big debate at work today, and when I say big I mean small.
Had some brekkie this morning at work, and I dared to have ready brek, you would have thought id murdered a small lamb, ready brek thats for kids was the cry.
Obviously for legal reasons (Ed Daines) I can not say who this debate was with (Ed Daines), but it was hotter than a really hot bowl of this lucious breakfast cereal. Then two other people told me that ready brek was for kids, so can you tell me all, is it wrong for a 32 yr old man to have such things for breakfast? Thats right who needs a Labour /Conservative debate when you have the Ready Brek debate, please share......
Fairly productive day at work today, mixed with conversations completley away from the fitness arena. One conversation was with Stevie P, a young lad from what I like to call 'up north', we got talking about what every bloke talks about at some point and that is of course the iconic film that is watership down, no not really Top gun.
You see Stevie P has top gun glasses, which I want, and since I fly fighter jets in my spare time I feel he should give them to me.
So what would be your Top gun name, Stevie P has taken Maverick, he should legally change to this, please give suggestions as to mine, I will put some out there.....
Lion-o, He-man,Papa Smurf and my favourite Thunderpants
Take care all and try some ready brek, Mr daines (legal disclaimer needed) you dont know what your missing.
tata
Monday, 15 March 2010
crazy times and crazy people
Hello all,
Hope all is well with all that read this inspirational crap. Sitting here at the mo thinking of all the looney people I have had the pleasure to know over the years from my crazy Irish aunty Anne to the smelly Hobo who used to talk to the public, then again was that the guy who sold the big issue (only joking), my aunt isnt really crazy she just likes a drink or two.
That brings me to the craziest thing I have ever seen and that is pineapple studios or should I say Louis from pineapple, I wonder if he exagerates it or is he really is as camp as Elton john doing a village people tribute gig.
Im a big believer of free expression but my god I just get tired watching the pint sized maniac, I myself when I want to go from A to B i take the easiest route, but this guy goes from A via the wizard of Oz via George Michaels house whilst singing a boy george song, im hoping to see Louis in the new A team film emulating Mr boy george himself.
What I want to know who is the craziest person or persons ytou know, come and share, that sounds wrong
Later....Matt
Hope all is well with all that read this inspirational crap. Sitting here at the mo thinking of all the looney people I have had the pleasure to know over the years from my crazy Irish aunty Anne to the smelly Hobo who used to talk to the public, then again was that the guy who sold the big issue (only joking), my aunt isnt really crazy she just likes a drink or two.
That brings me to the craziest thing I have ever seen and that is pineapple studios or should I say Louis from pineapple, I wonder if he exagerates it or is he really is as camp as Elton john doing a village people tribute gig.
Im a big believer of free expression but my god I just get tired watching the pint sized maniac, I myself when I want to go from A to B i take the easiest route, but this guy goes from A via the wizard of Oz via George Michaels house whilst singing a boy george song, im hoping to see Louis in the new A team film emulating Mr boy george himself.
What I want to know who is the craziest person or persons ytou know, come and share, that sounds wrong
Later....Matt
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